


it feels like I can see the past in your eyes

by hint2bee



Series: stay right here, right next to my side [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fix-It, M/M, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, hey marvel? fuck you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 05:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14466207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hint2bee/pseuds/hint2bee
Summary: After everything, after two wars and nearly a hundred years, Steve and Bucky are broken. They are displaced.So, one day, they decide they're going to find their place.





	it feels like I can see the past in your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I did Not watch Avengers: Infinity War but I did read the wiki page of the plot so like. It's supposed to be that the things that happened in the movie do still happen but they're fixed. No explicit spoilers but it's still kind of spoiler adjacent if you care about that (which I don't, fuck a canon hoe). The end of story note /will/ have explicit spoilers as an explanation. 
> 
> Anyways I'm going to write more in this softé universe. Consider this an intro of sorts.
> 
> Title is from "FACE" by BROCKHAMPTON. thanks muchly to anna (@kurtvile on tumblr!) for beta-ing and also helping with the title.

Underneath it all, they’re still tired, fragmented pieces of what they once were.

They decide to retire one early April morning, in the middle of a battlefield, desolated and destroyed, half of those who they used to call allies dead, a quarter in pieces, and the rest exhausted beyond relief. It’s King T’Challa’s consort, a man named M’Baku, who voices their thoughts.

“There is always a time, for every great warrior, to lay down his weapons, and find the place that he considers to be his peace,” the man says, and as Bucky looks at Steve, and Steve looks at Bucky, the two of them know it to be right.

So the friends pack their things, say goodbye to T’Challa, and M’Baku, and the Wakandans, and displace themselves.

It turns out it’s easier to find yourself when you’re not actually tied down anywhere. For Steve and Bucky, that means apartment hopping around the northeastern United States for a few weeks. They spend a lot of time with Sam, who is, coincidentally, spending a lot of time with Clint and his daughter, Kate. They live for a couple days with Bruce, but as much as they love Bruce, historically, super-soldiers with traumas that manifest in screaming nightmares and hulks don’t exactly match up very well. 

Thor has a place in Brooklyn.

“Thor has a place in Brooklyn?” Bucky asks, a level of humor in his voice that Steve rarely hears.

“Apparently he’s offering for you to go live with him for as long as you like,” Bruce says, at their last night in his house, over dinner, “he’s been pretty rough after… y’know.”

None of them quite want to talk about Loki.

Thor’s town house is in the middle of the borough, surrounded on all sides by the new culture that’s permeated Steve and Bucky’s old home.

“How long do you think we’re actually gonna make it here?” Bucky asks Steve as the two sit on the outskirts of Central Park, watching a softball game in progress. Bucky’s words signifies the breaking of the two hours of silence that the two have created, and they startle Steve out of the silent reverie that he’s fallen into.

“It isn’t really home anymore, is it?” Steve asks, watching Bucky sit, pensively, his baseball cap pulled low, to hide his face. It’s hot, but Bucky is still wearing the thick hoodie he’s become so accustomed to wearing. Steve assumes it’s to hide his arm.

They still hide their burdens from each other.

Thor, for all that he tries, ends up being just as temporary as Bruce and Sam. But with Thor, it’s different, because Thor is just as displaced as they are. A king without his people, a brother without siblings, a warrior without a fight.

They’re sitting on the steps of his house one late June afternoon, Thor and Bruce, who visits more often than he’d like to admit, holding hands where they think Bucky and Steve can’t see, when Bruce mentions something that will find Steve and Bucky their place.

“Have you guys ever thought about living in the country?”

Bucky looks at Steve, Steve looks at Bucky.

“I mean, I don’t know if you two would both wanna move out, but there’s a lot of nice places upstate. It’s quieter than the city. More privacy. Some places don’t have wifi or television, but it almost seems to me like you guys don’t need that.”

Bruce is right, on almost all accounts. Neither of them hated the new technology that pervaded their day-to-day, but they hated it. The constant, incessant buzzing and ringing and beeping of everything, from phones to alarm systems. They understood the purpose and use, but they didn’t grow up with this shit, so it was more noise than anything else.

Upstate New York does seem really far away, but it’d be quiet. As much as the two of them were city boys, as much as they loved the stereotypical hustle and bustle of the city, the diversity and the culture presented to them, they weren’t boys anymore.

The sun has vanished by the time Thor suggests he and Bruce go pick up food for the four of them. Bucky and Steve both know the two want to spend as much time together as possible, so they stay behind, on the steps of the brownstone, watching as the two men walk away, the semblance of normalcy surrounding them.

“They’re a good match,” Bucky says, watching as Thor links his hand with Bruce’s, pulling his arm up to kiss the back of his hand.

“I hope one day we end up like that,” Steve says, candidly. It takes the two a moment to actually realize what he said. Neither move, instead choosing to watch silently as Bruce and Thor turn the corner.

It’s Bucky who breaks the silence.

“We, as in each of us with our own people, or we, as in us, together?” he asks, his words laden with nearly eighty years of apprehension.

Steve is silent, for just a moment, as he looks down at Bucky. Bucky looks up at him. Steve lays a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, and Bucky’s right hand comes up on top of his own.

“Us. It’s always been us,” Steve says, quietly.

As the two sit in silence, at peace, the light disappears, and they watch as the evening primroses that Thor keeps bloom in the dusk.

* * *

 

Their house is cozy, and not the real estate version of cozy, the real version of cozy, where everywhere you are in the house feels like a hug, but not claustrophobic. They have more than enough help moving in, as Thor and Bruce tag along, and of course Sam comes along too, and with Sam, comes Clint, and with Clint comes Kate, and Kate’s dog, and two other teenagers that Steve and Bucky are too nice to say no to.

Peter Parker is one of these teenagers.

“I do not know how Kate met him, nor do I care. Isn’t it like, a good parent thing to let your teenager have independence?” Clint retorts, upon Steve’s questioning.

“Clint, I’ve seen her kill a man,” Steve responds, deadpan, earning a shout of a laugh from Bucky.

“No one ever said he actually was a good parent,” Kate, who’s been privy to this whole interaction, says. For his credit, Peter is actually pretty cool outside of the battlefield. He’s a dork, but he’s cool about it.

“That whole thing with… fuckin’ Stark… that wasn’t right, and I’m glad I’ve come out of that. He was just tryna influence some fifteen year old. I’m better now,” Peter says, a cool confidence around him that Bucky notices is new.

“You’re seventeen,” Bucky says, confused, as the two air out the master bedroom.

“A lot can change in two years,” Peter responds, shrugging, as he throws another window in the airy room open. Bucky freezes in his tracks, a slight frown on his face.

“You. Are seventeen.”

The other teenager is a very sarcastic girl named MJ.

“Michael Jackson?” Sam asks, a smirk on his face, and the girl, still smiling, flips him off.

“Michelle Jones, be nice to him,” Clint snaps, and MJ turns back to Clint, middle finger still raised.

“Are all teenagers bullies now?” Bruce mutters, with humor in his voice nonetheless.

It’s evening, and they’ve finished setting up the basics of the house, before Clint tells them why they brought along Peter and MJ.

“They’re Kate’s friends from school. The kids, they’re technological geniuses. Bucky, I uh, I found out the specs on your arm from the leaked Hydra files. MJ, she made a replacement. It’s removable, functions and feels just like a regular arm. It’s a lightweight polymer, weighted just enough in the right places to make it feel real. It’s in the back of the car, and she says that if Bruce helps with the medical procedures, she could have you hooked up in an hour,” Clint says, as they sit on their porch, watching the teens wander out into the field surrounding their house. This causes Bucky some alarm, and he looks between Steve and Bruce.

“I’ve already heard about it, and I can definitely do what she needs me to do. It won’t even be invasive,” Bruce says.

Bucky is still wearing the heavy, gray, vibranium arm that T’Challa provided him when he woke up. It’s good, much better than the Hydra arm, of course, really, but it’s a weapon, it’s designed for war, to kill and to harm.

“I’m not sure if… if T’Challa would really be okay with that,” Bucky says, carefully. He wants the arm, he does, but he can’t let them do this much for him.

“Shuri is coming in tomorrow to help with the removal,” Clint reveals, and every excuse Bucky can think of has been taken from him.

“If you don’t want it you don’t have to say yes,” Steve says, tenderly touching Bucky’s hand, his real one.

“I do. I don’t know if I deserve it though,” Bucky whispers. Those surrounding them vanish in their eyes, and they’re left alone, just a moment, in their little bubble.

“You deserve the world. And I’ll get it for you,” Steve says. There’s a laugh from somewhere outside their bubble, and the two look at Sam.

“You got any more lines from a 2000 rom-com, Captain Romantic?” Sam says. Steve opens his mouth to retort, but Bucky is quick on the draw.

“You’re just jealous because Clint doesn’t say anything like that to you.”

Clint’s face reddens, Sam throws his head back, groaning, and the rest of their group laughs loudly.

And for just a moment, Steve and Bucky don’t necessarily feel like they’ve found their place, not just yet, but they do feel much less displaced.

* * *

 

Shuri is really excited to  _ finally  _ be working on Bucky’s arm again. She tries to hide it when she first sees him, but it’s not hard to tell.

“You can freak out a little if you want, kid,” he says, smiling at her, and she lets a smile erupt across her face. 

“You can’t call me kid, you senior citizen,” she says, laughter in her voice.

They take off his heavy vibranium arm within the span of an hour, placing it in the black case Shuri brought with her. Bucky watches as Shuri hands it off to one of the Dora Milaje, and Steve rests a hand on his shoulder.

“What are you going to do with it?” he asks, and both Shuri and the Dora holding the case look at him.

“Melt it down. Use it for something non-weaponized. We are a country at peace now, we are melting the weapons we do not need, and making them something good,” the princess says, and Bucky feels something, almost akin to relief. 

“Tell T’Challa… tell him I say thank you, and I can’t repay either of you enough,” Bucky says, his voice cracking.

“I’ll let him know,” Shuri says, “but I am not leaving yet. We haven’t even put on your new arm. And also, there’s a dog on the property and I have barely interacted with him!” 

The girl’s enthusiasm causes Clint to laugh loudly, slapping his knee as Sam looks on, amused and in love. 

“You got a name for what you are, yet?” Bucky asks Sam, as the the two sit in the house, watching MJ and Shuri prep his new arm.

“Me and Clint?” Sam asks, and Bucky nods.

“We’ve spent a couple nights together, but the man’s priority is his daughter. I don’t blame him. After what just happened…” Sam whispers, pursing his lips. None of them, not one of them, want to talk about what Thanos did.

“Well he clearly loves you. And maybe he’s focusing on his daughter because he doesn’t wanna tell you how much it hurt him, to see what happened to you,” Bucky explains.

“It happened to both of us,” Sam mumbles, and the two stay silent.

“Have you talked to Steve about it?” Sam asks, after a beat.

“No. He’s lost me what, three times? I don’t need him to relive it.”

“Well. I’m glad you two found each other,” Sam says, quietly, and Bucky smiles softly.

“I’m glad you and Clint found each other, too,” Bucky says, and Sam smiles, letting a tear run down his face as the others return to the room.

* * *

 

After Shuri puts Bucky’s arm on, the others leave, and finally, Steve and Bucky are left alone.

Their first day is a quiet one, getting used to the welcome silence around them.

Their second day, however, the two spend in bed.

It’s nearly dusk before the two take a break, lying quietly in each other’s arms.

“I love you, Bucky,” Steve whispers, kissing Bucky’s forehead.

“I love you too, Steve.”

“Can I ask how long?” Steve asks.

“Fuck, I don’t know. We met, what, ‘24? Yeah, since then,” Bucky says, looking up at Steve, “what about you?”

“I mean, I guess it’s been about that long. But I don’t think I realized until Hydra took you, until I realized I might lose you. And I… I didn’t even know what I woulda done without you,” Steve says, and Bucky hears the catch in his voice.

“And how many times did  _ you _ have to stop yourself from pinning me to a wall when you figured that out, ‘cause for me it was no less than a thousand times that I had to stop myself,” Bucky asks, trying to get Steve to laugh. It works, because Steve does something stupid fast with his body, and has Bucky pinned against the bed before the other man can even react.

“You’re a shit head,” Steve says, kissing Bucky, sweetly, although Bucky can feel the hunger underneath.

“You too, pal,” Bucky whispers, the tears stinging his eyes.

* * *

 

Without each other, they’d have nothing. They know this.

It’s a calm morning when they find their place. It’s not a coincidence, that, seconds prior to them finding their place, they have a conversation about some of the things they’ve missed.

“Yknow. I heard that two guys can get married now. One of the things we missed, I guess, when we were saving the world,” Bucky says. Steve looks up, to Bucky.

“Took you long enough to figure that one out,” Steve says, smiling softly at Bucky.

“Oh my god, you asshat, you  _ knew _ ?” Bucky snaps, a wide smile on his face. 

And it’s almost as if a curtain is pulled back, and the haze they’ve been living their lives in evaporates, and right there, right then, laughing over their coffee, they find their place.

Underneath it all, they’re tired, fragmented pieces of what they once were. But they’re only broken because they’re missing their other half. Or they were, until the morning where they realized that finding yourself means finding the one who heals you.

**Author's Note:**

> (SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS) In case you're wondering, the Bucky/Sam convo has to do with them + Kate dying in front of Steve (and Clint who I believed to be there, if only in spirit), temporarily. I'll probably address this in a future fic, if I feel particularly angsty.


End file.
